Ask AdaMarie: How Should I Respond When People Say I’m “Too Ambitious”?
“Hi, AdaMarie! I’m an early-career software engineer, and I’ve been told by colleagues (and even family) that I’m “too ambitious.” I’m not sure how to respond without sounding defensive, but I also don’t want to tone down my goals. What should I do?”
First, let’s be clear: “too ambitious” isn’t really about you—it’s about someone else’s comfort zone. Ambition is simply having a vision for your future and the drive to make it happen. That’s not a flaw; it’s fuel.
If someone says you’re “too ambitious,” recognize that this often comes from their own expectations or insecurities, not any real measure of what’s right for you.
The world needs people who set high standards. Otherwise, nothing would ever change. Unfortunately, ambition is often framed negatively, especially for women and people from underrepresented backgrounds. The key is to stand firmly in your goals while keeping the conversation professional and rooted in your values.
Here are some ways to respond with confidence.
Reframe their comment.
Instead of shrinking, lean into your drive. You might say: “I like to set big goals—it’s how I stay motivated and keep growing.”
This shifts the focus from their judgment to your growth mindset and sends the message that your ambition is intentional, not a spur-of-the-moment attitude.
Show your strategy.
Ambition without direction can feel risky to others. Briefly share how you’re working toward your goals: “I’m taking on projects that stretch my skills and align with where I want to be in 5 years.” This illustrates that your ambition is backed by planning and self-awareness.
It shows you’re intentional, not reckless.
Avoid taking the bait.
You don’t have to defend your ambition. Sometimes the best response is a polite smile and the quiet confidence that your results will speak louder than any label.
Let your results speak for themselves. Over time, your consistency and progress can challenge preconceived notions—sometimes more powerfully than words ever could.
Find your people.
Surround yourself with mentors, colleagues, and communities (like AdaMarie!) who celebrate your ambition instead of questioning it. Supportive networks are energizing—they help you keep your vision clear, especially when others doubt it.
Stay true to yourself.
Ambition looks different for everyone. For some, it’s pursuing a management track; for others, it’s deepening technical expertise or starting something new. There’s no single definition—own what feels right for you, not what others imagine for you.
The truth is, the STEM leaders shaping the future aren’t the ones playing small. They’re the ones willing to dream bigger than what exists today—and then do the work to make it real. If that’s “too ambitious,” wear it like a badge of honor.
Ultimately, ambition is the heartbeat of progress. So keep setting audacious goals, celebrating your milestones, and seeking out environments that fuel—rather than diminish—your drive. The world needs more people like you!
You got this.
