You Do Not Have to Borrow Your Boss's Panic
Let me tell you something I hear constantly from the mid-level leaders I coach.
"I have no idea how to create consistency or safety for my team right now, because I'm also freaking out. I don't know if I'm going to be the one to lose my job. I don't know what the expectations even are anymore."
That's not weakness. That's the honest reality of leading in the middle of what might be the most disruptive moment in modern workplace history.
And here's the part nobody is talking about clearly enough: your boss is probably in the exact same place.
The chaos at the top is real.
Right now, there is a total lack of clarity from the top of most organizations. Leaders who have spent decades with a clear roadmap are navigating something that has no roadmap. AI disruption isn't a before-and-after situation, with a bridge from here to there. We don't know where the bridge is taking us. What we're moving toward is literally changing daily.
So what looks like your boss being disorganized, uncommunicative, or checked out? That's almost certainly anxiety. Not incompetence. Anxiety.
Things that may seem like disorganization are likely anxiety. And while their anxiety doesn’t need to be your anxiety, it’s helpful when you can appreciate where they’re coming from.
And here's where your opportunity lives
One of the most powerful things you can do as someone earlier in your career (especially right now!) is to give your manager the most generous interpretation you possibly can.
Not blindly. Not when there's genuine disrespect or harm happening. But for the everyday stuff that reads like chaos? Try grace first.
Because here's what I've learned from working with leaders at every level: I have often misread my boss and had a narrative like "they don't communicate, they don't trust me, I could do their job better than them." And almost never has that been true.
When you can see your manager's flaws with curiosity instead of an eye roll – when you can ask yourself what's waking them up at night and let that inform how you show up– you start to stand out. Not by being a pushover, but by being someone who can hold steady when others can't.
Find your own footing, don't borrow theirs
Here's the thing about influence without authority: it doesn't come from waiting for your leader to be calm enough for you to feel calm. It comes from finding your own groundedness independent of what's happening above you.
I think of it as putting yourself in a bubble. When your boss seems panicked, your nervous system wants to match that panic. That's human. That's biology. Your brain is wired to read the room and mirror what it finds.
But your job, especially if you want to show up as a leader before you have the title, is to notice that pull and choose differently. Find your footing. Find your calm. Ask yourself: what's the best thing I can do today to stay on track with my goals and be of service to my team?
That question alone will separate you from 80% of the room.
The practical move: check in
One of the most underused tools for managing up is also the simplest: just ask.
Not defensively. Not as a performance. Just genuinely: "Hey, how did that land for you? With me showing up in this way. Let me know if I should show up differently next time."
We hesitate to have these conversations because we're afraid of overcommunicating. But most of the time we're not actually overcommunicating. We're under-asking. And a well-timed check-in can unlock clarity about unwritten expectations and unspoken culture that you simply would not have gotten any other way.
The leaders who make it through will be the ones who adapted
The skills that are going to matter most in the next one to five years aren't the most technical. They're the most human. The capacity to stay grounded when life is chaotic. To regulate your nervous system when your environment won't. To give grace without losing yourself.
Your boss's chaos isn't yours to carry. But your response to it? That's entirely yours to own.
And when you can stay rooted while everyone else is blowing with the wind, you don't just survive this moment. You lead through it.
About Victoria Farris
Victoria Farris’ work is a reminder that how you show up matters just as much as what you know. Through her approach to leadership, she brings attention to the skills that often go unnamed but shape every career: how you communicate, how you navigate tension, and how you stay grounded in who you are as you grow.
