The Interview is not an Interrogation; It's a Two-Way Evaluation
Let me tell you what I see happen in 90% of interviews: A smart, capable, qualified professional walks into a room (or opens a Zoom) and immediately transforms into a performing seal.
Jumping through hoops. Hoping to impress. Desperate to be picked.
Meanwhile, the interviewer (who might be mediocre at their job, leading a dysfunctional team, at a company with toxic culture) sits back and judges whether *you're* good enough. And you accept this dynamic without question.
Here's what I need you to understand: An interview is not a one-way audition. It's a mutual evaluation. You're not just trying to convince them to hire you. You're deciding whether you want to work there at all. And if you don't approach it that way, you're going to end up in a job that doesn't serve you, working for people who don't deserve you, wondering why you're miserable.
Rule Number 1 : You're Interviewing Them Too
I spent 20 years as a CHRO. I've sat on both sides of the table thousands of times. And I can tell you with absolute certainty: Companies that treat interviews like power plays are exactly the companies you don't want to work for.
The best organizations? They know they're being evaluated too. They sell you on why you should join them. They're transparent about challenges. They treat you like a professional, not a supplicant. The toxic ones? They make you feel lucky they're even talking to you. They ask gotcha questions. They keep you waiting. They ghost you for weeks. They act like they're doing you a favor.
That behavior is data. Pay attention to it. If they can't treat you with respect during the interview process—when they're supposed to be *recruiting* you—how do you think they'll treat you when you actually work there?
Rule Number 2: Stop Memorizing "Right" Answers and leverage Ai to help you - not replace you.
Here's the thing about interview prep that drives me insane: everyone's teaching you to game the system.
"Use the STAR method!"
"Research the company!"
"Prepare 3 weaknesses that are actually strengths!"
"Tell them you're a perfectionist who works too hard!"
Spare me. Yes, you should prepare. Yes, you should have examples ready. Yes, you should know what the company does. But if you walk in there reciting rehearsed answers like you're in a high school play, you're not showing them who you are.
You're showing them who you think they want you to be. And that's how you end up in a job that doesn't actually fit.
Here's what I want you to do instead…
Rule Number 3: Know Your Own Story Not the sanitized LinkedIn version.
The real one.
Why are you in STEM?
What problems get you fired up?
What kind of work makes you lose track of time?
What do you want to learn next?
What kind of team do you thrive on?
What kind of manager brings out your best work?
When you know these answers—really know them—you can have an actual conversation. Not a performance. A conversation about whether this role, this team, this company is the right fit for where you're trying to go.
Rule Number 4: Have Examples That Actually Mean Something
The STAR method (Situation, Task, Action, Result) isn't wrong. But most people use it to tell boring stories about times they "collaborated effectively" or "demonstrated leadership." I don't care about that. I care about:
A time you failed and what you learned
A time you had to tell someone bad news
A time you disagreed with your manager and how you handled it
A time you didn't know how to do something and figured it out anyway
A time you had to choose between what was easy and what was right
Those are the stories that show me who you actually are. Not "I'm a team player." Not "I'm detail-oriented." I want to know: When things get hard, what do you do? When the path isn't clear, how do you decide? When you're wrong, do you admit it? That's what matters.
Rule Number 4: Ask Questions That Actually Tell You Something
At the end of every interview, they're going to ask: "Do you have any questions for us?" And most people ask weak questions like:
"What does a typical day look like?" (There's no such thing)
"What's the culture like here?" (They'll lie)
"What are the next steps?" (Who cares—you might not even want this job yet)
Here are the questions you should actually ask:
About the role:
"What does success look like in this role in the first 6 months? The first year?"
"What's the biggest challenge the person in this role will face?"
"Why is this role open? Is it new, or did someone leave?"
"What happened to the last person in this role?"
About the team:
"How does this team make decisions?"
"What happens when there's disagreement about direction?"
"How do you handle someone who's struggling or underperforming?"
"What does support look like on this team when someone needs help?"
About growth:
"How do people typically grow in their careers here?"
"Can you give me an example of someone on your team who's grown significantly? What made that possible?"
"What kind of professional development is available, and do people actually use it?"
"How often do you have career development conversations, not just performance reviews?"
About the manager:
"What's your management style?"
"How do you prefer to communicate? How often do we meet?"
"What do you need from your team members to be successful?"
"What's something you're actively working on improving as a manager?"
About reality:
"What's the hardest part about working here that no one talks about in interviews?"
"If I asked your team what frustrates them most, what would they say?"
"What would make me want to leave this company in a year?"
Notice what these questions do? They make it impossible to give you false answers.They force the interviewer to be real with you. And their answers—or their discomfort with the questions—tell you everything you need to know.
Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
I've seen too many smart people accept jobs at places that were clearly wrong for them because they ignored the warning signs. Here are the red flags that should make you walk away:
They can't clearly explain what success looks like in the role
Translation: They don't actually know what they need. You'll be set up to fail.
Everyone you interview with gives you different answers about the role
Translation: There's no alignment. You'll be caught in the middle of dysfunction.
They badmouth the previous person in the role
Translation: They will do the same to you when you leave.
They're defensive when you ask hard questions
Translation: They don't want employees who think critically.
They can't give you concrete examples of how people grow there
Translation: There's no real development. You'll stagnate.
The interview process is disorganized, slow, or disrespectful
Translation: This is how they operate. It won't get better.
They pressure you to decide quickly or make you feel guilty for considering other options
Translation: They're desperate or manipulative. Either way, run.
They avoid or deflect questions about work-life balance, burnout, or turnover
Translation: It's bad. Really bad.
If you see these red flags, believe them. Don't convince yourself it will be different. Don't think you can fix it. Don't take the job because you're tired of searching. A bad job will cost you more than a longer job search ever will.
Rule Number 5: Negotiation Starts in the Interview
Here's something most people don't realize: the interview is where negotiation begins. Not when they give you the offer. Not when you ask for more money. It starts the moment you walk in the door. Because every answer you give, every question you ask, every boundary you set—it's all shaping their perception of you. So, do you:
Advocate for yourself, or do you downplay your accomplishments?
Ask what you need to know, or do you stay quiet to be "likeable"?
Set clear expectations, or do you say "I'm flexible" about everything?
Talk about your value, or do you apologize for taking up their time?
The way you show up in the interview is the way they'll expect you to show up in the job. If you undersell yourself to get hired, you'll be underpaid and overlooked when you're there. If you're afraid to ask hard questions during the interview, you'll be afraid to advocate for yourself on the team.
This is not about being difficult. It's about being clear. Clear about what you bring. Clear about what you need. Clear about what you won't tolerate. And if that costs you the job? Good. It wasn't the right job.
What Confident Interviewing Actually Looks Like
People think confidence in an interview means:
Having all the answers
Never saying "I don't know"
Being perfectly polished
Never showing doubt
That's not confidence. That's performance. Real confidence looks like this:
"I haven't done that exact thing before, but here's how I'd approach it based on what I have done."
"That's a great question. Can I think about that for a second?"
"I'm curious—when you say [X], what does that actually look like day-to-day?"
"I'm really excited about this opportunity, and I'm also considering a few other options. What's your timeline for deciding?"
"Based on what you've shared, I'm not sure this role is the right fit for what I'm looking for. Can we talk about [alternative]?"
See the difference? Confidence isn't pretending you're perfect. It's being honest about what you know, what you don't know, and what you need to find out. It's treating the interview like a conversation between two professionals trying to figure out if there's a mutual fit. Not like a test you're trying to pass.
Rule Number 6: You Deserve to Choose
I need you to hear this, especially if you're early in your STEM career: You are not lucky to be considered. They are not doing you a favor. You have skills that took years to build. You have expertise that solves real problems. You have potential that, in the right environment, will create massive value.
The question is not: "Will they pick me?"
The question is: "Is this the right place for me to grow?"
And you can't answer that question if you spend the entire interview trying to be what you think they want instead of figuring out what you actually need.
So yes, prepare for your interviews. Know your stories. Practice your answers. But don't forget the most important preparation of all: deciding what you're actually looking for.
Not just any job. The right job. Not just any team. A team that will make you better. Not just any manager. A manager who will invest in your growth.
You get to choose. And the interview is where you gather the information you need to choose wisely. So stop performing. Start evaluating. Money will come - do not take something for a short term high to deal with a long term woe.
Ask the hard questions. Watch how they respond. Trust your gut when something feels off. And when you find the right fit? You'll know.
Not because they picked you. Because you picked them too.
Kristy McCann Flynn is a 20+ year HR executive, CEO, Founder, and career development expert. She's built companies, coached thousands of professionals, and spent her entire career helping people see what they're actually capable of, and then making sure they get paid for it.
If you want to go deeper on resumes, interviews, and positioning your experience with confidence, Kristy will be teaching this live inside the 2026 AdaMarie Career Accelerator. Registration is open, and you’ll have the chance to learn directly from her alongside a small cohort of peers.
