How to Stay Calm When Everyone Else is Freaking Out
Have you ever walked into a room or a meeting where everyone feels stressed the moment you walk in the door? Heads are down, knees bouncing up and down, there’s a quiet tension? You may have felt totally calm and carefree moments before arriving, but when you walk into the room you immediately tighten. Does this sound familiar? Most of us can relate to moments like these at work, and how visceral they are.
This happens because humans are wired for co-regulation and connection. We’re actually wired to be able to pick up on some of each others’ emotions through our nervous systems, specifically fear and anxiety. Did you know that anxiety is actually the most contagious emotion?! That’s why these moments before a meeting or in the thick of a sticky project can feel so intense, so quickly.
It’s also why emotional intelligence and regulation is critical, especially at work. Learning how to be the person who can stay calm and not get sucked into contagious emotions is a key ingredient to effective leadership at any level. Your peers and team are going to follow the energy that you bring. Staying calm when everyone else is freaking out becomes a huge leadership advantage!
Stress and anxiety fuels our autonomic nervous system, or our flight, fight, freeze, or fawn response. In other words, when we are very stressed or anxious our brain focuses on keeping us safe, shifting from the parts of our brain that house our advanced thinking and decision making to a more primal part of our brain that hyperfocuses on safety. Hence why we don’t make our best decisions when we’re incredibly stressed, anxious, or worried.
Here are three tips for staying calm when freaking out is the easier choice!
Notice what’s happening around you and in your body.
When stress and anxiety are spreading through a room, start by naming that to yourself. It immediately positions you as an observer, allowing you to have a bit more space between you and the anxiety. Next notice and name for yourself the subtle signals in your own body. Things like tensing, shallow breathing, racing mind, or sweaty palms. Simply noticing these signals can help you slow them down and pause before reacting.
Intentionally slow your breathing and remind yourself that you’re safe.
Your brain often doesn’t differentiate between a lion chasing you and a “we need to talk” from your manager. Reminding yourself of your physical safety while taking slow, intentional breaths helps your brain slow down and shift your body back into a more balanced state.
Focus on the next small step.
When problems begin to feel overwhelming, or the team is activated, it’s easy for the room to spiral into worst-case scenario thinking and problems can feel too big to solve. Instead of trying to solve everything at once, bring attention back to the next actionable step.
Start with questions like:
“What do we know so far?”
“What’s the next step we should take”
“What’s the next piece of information we need”
Questions that help move the conversation towards problem-solving over panic.
Finally, remember that calm is also contagious. Just like stress moves through a team, so can calm and steadiness. When one person stays grounded, asking thoughtful questions, speaking calmly, and focusing on solutions, it often helps others regulate too.
You don’t need a leadership title for this to matter. In fact, the ability to remain steady in stressful moments early in your career quietly builds your credibility and trust. People begin to see you as a leader, even without a title, because you help them think clearly and stay the course when things get sticky.
Sometimes leadership doesn’t look like having all the answers, it’s as simple as being the calmest person in the room.
About Victoria Farris
Victoria Farris’ work is a reminder that how you show up matters just as much as what you know. Through her approach to leadership, she brings attention to the skills that often go unnamed but shape every career: how you communicate, how you navigate tension, and how you stay grounded in who you are as you grow.
